Circumstances in my life have led me into some insights lately that I wanted to share…

In meditation, using my process described HERE, I feel how my body is naturally reacting to passing thoughts. My body feels hungry, thirsty for what I have been labelling as fear and anger and frustration. I am noticing with stupor that everything I was doing throughout my life, was either coming from fear or done in order to produce fear. It is an addictive cycle, where fear produces a low, a bottom line, a bottomless pit of despair and pain. It is only from this place that my body takes its cue to survive. It can only get the thrill of life from a place that is familiarly poisonous.

The mind will envelop every experience with a flavour of high and low, in order to keep us in this infernal tail-chasing between a high that we often ERRONEOUSLY call: “being in my heart”, “speaking my truth”, “getting in touch with myself”, and the lows that we continuously try to solve… No no, that is not part of any truth at all. That is just the high we feed off, the embellished, spiritual, pathological ways we’ve been producing in order to pick ourselves up from the lows that have been embedded upon us.

When we say we feel something, more often than not, it is one of those highs/lows asking for food, for the drama, for the prey, and has nothing to do with who we really are. We are run by the need for drama, for fear and for pain. That is our comfort zone. Look at your life!! You might just see that it is a collection of highs that you call your heart and lows that you call other people/circumstances frustrating you. None of that is YOU!! Don’t believe me – just look for yourself!

It is impossible for us to know our emotions/our heart, because other peoples’ emotions have been overlapped upon ours. Not only that, but those emotions have been flexed by the mind into a real muscle that drives our lives. What we now call our emotions or our intuition, are patterns of the disease we’ve been trained into. Our real emotions, OURS, are just the soft delicate voice of a spirit who knows the laws of beauty and of peace. What we really feel, can only be heard when the growling of the mind ceases… aka in meditation.

And yes, if you look carefully, you will see that you’ve always chosen with your heart – from the food you eat to the next step you take in life, but you will also notice how the heart is always choosing peace. It will try to give peace to the mind and obey mind’s options. Mind’s options are those who continue to feed mind’s job: fear, delusion, disease, anger, pain, frustration… The heart doesn’t work with plans and assessments and anger and fear and hate – that’s the mind’s domain, the rat-race of thought, wanting to keep you in that pain and in that experience of lack and of life being pathetic.

I’ll give you some of my own “truths” and “heart guidance” from the past: leaving a job (people were nasty); Leaving my son (I had to finish University); getting involved in a different relationship (my husband was not quite cutting it)… All these so-called heart decisions did feel like my heart speaking to me. In time, I realized how they were only actions to create a drama that would keep me from going inside and find Real HEART…

I find this to be one of the ultimate traps of the mind, especially for people who are “into” spirituality. Your ego will highjack every little corner where it is allowed to. Mind won’t ever commit suicide. It will make you believe: “you already know all this”, “you don’t need to meditate”, “you need more information and more solving and more insights”…

Before you follow your heart, before you speak your truth, before you obey to your intuition… FIND THEM! They’re nowhere to be found in your mind!!! That’s MY experience anyway…

 

 

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