There is no attracting something. There is only creating something. You, what you call you, is an energy, a collection of emotional and mental patterns that are exclusively using known tools and sensations so as to follow the known circumstances you have been experiencing all your life. Patterns are about safety, about what feels familiar. They are not about healing or change or growth. You cannot see your patterns as long as you are operating from those patterns. In the same way that you can’t see straight if your vision is clouded.
There is a lot of bull-shit around “the law of attraction” over the internet. That BS claims that any lazy, stupid, pathetic jerk can “be a match” for the best there is. No, no… You can only be a match to what your patterns enslave you to.
Let’s say you are a woman with a history of complicated relationships. You see all your ex-partners as vicious bastards who have done nothing but wronged you in some way. What you do not see, is that your safety is to be wronged. The way you live your life, the way you survived, is being a victim. You thrive in that role. That’s the only way you understand life – emotionally, energetically and logically. That kind of life is the only one that makes sense to you and your mind is a servant to that pattern. What you call “your heart” will assess any individual or situation that comes your way in terms of: can this man hurt me? Can I be a victim in any way while with him? Can he trash me? Can he make me feel insignificant and let down? Can he make me feel like something’s always missing? Then YES!!! I am “IN LOVE”!!! Then yes, I can keep creating the relationship of my dreams with this man: that is – one where I get to keep being a victim of circumstances, where I can keep feeling sad and unhappy, where I can keep feeling like life is unfair and hard… This type of a personality will thrive in “what if” and “if only”… They will not realize that these are gateways into reality distortion and fantasy. Weaving a fantasy outcome out of grief, longing and victimhood, is a mind-trap that can only be healed through authentic self-inquiry. These patterns never just disappear or heal by themselves. There’s no elf out there who is magically going to make them go away. At one point in your life, something’s going to come show you that pretty clearly.

“Attracting” a better outcome, a better life experience, can only be done through awareness on your own patterns. Now the mind can’t help you with that endeavour. It’s the mind itself who created the havoc. Do you really think your mind is going to quit its own creation? On the contrary, it is going to use everything it knows to keep you stuck. EVERYTHING.

Now let’s look at the partner you’ve “attracted” if you are the woman described above… If you are a victim of life, you can only “attract” (read be attracted to) a partner who will be a perpetrator of some sort. This can take many forms: from physical abuse and violence, to simply refusing to acknowledge your emotional and physical needs. Usually, men who are the perfect partners for victim-type women, give those women everything but one thing: the exact thing that woman needs the most. Do you need physical interaction? Some reason will arise where he just can’t give that to you. Do you need emotional intimacy? He will build walls around himself and keep his emotions inside so that you feel constantly disconnected. I really liked this quote from Alain Robarge – a psychotherapist who specializes in relationships, as an example of one form this might take:

Usually, these men will look highly accomplished: financially well-off, somewhat sophisticated, intelligent and overtly kind. This is a mask. An iron mask they have created for themselves and others, so that nobody can have a look at who they really are. Including themselves. These men usually have no authentic self-awareness, are reactive and always right. They will show a perpetual discontent with everything in their lives except themselves. Even if they do admit to being emotionally unavailable, it is, more often than not, a fill-in phrase that allows them to escape any deeper scrutiny (their own or others’). So prepare yourself for a journey where everything that will go wrong, will be your fault. Isn’t that the perfect path for a victim? What more could you want? This man will be your soulmate – aka, your perfect source of validation, acknowledgement, acceptance and love as the victim you are creating yourself to be. You “soul” will embrace this man as perfection. Well, in fact, that embracing isn’t of your soul at all! It is your wounds feeding off a known pattern that needs to survive. In our current consciousness level, what we call a soulmate, is actually the perfect excuse to not find mental and emotional health.

You cannot attract a single thing in life. You can only be what you are yourself. And every circumstance, partner or situation, will match that perfectly.

Xmas is the perfect opportunity for you to look into some life-changing questions: are you hooked on someone who, for some reason (ANY reason) is not giving you what you need in these times of joy? Then ask yourself this: what is it in me that makes me want this type of a partner? Why do I feel I don’t deserve better? Why would I not let myself have someone better into my life? What do I have so wrong inside of me that makes me long for this type of a situation? It is an authentic answer to these types of questions that can shift your relationships to another level. Not jumping into a different relationship, hoping to “attract something better”. A true shift, is that where the experience feels more like peace. A true shift will do just that: shift your preferences, shift your likes and attractors, shift the way you used to see a situation… A true shift is never about outer circumstances but about an inner understanding of why we let pain into our lives. A true shift is one where you realize that the cage isn’t an outer one… The understanding that this is not who we are and not what we need, is CRUCIAL in “attracting something better”

Here’s a good question you can make real use of, instead of the crap of the law of attraction:
“Who do I need to become so that I can have the best life experience?”

Have you been inspired by this post? Then please